A Guys Guide to the Complex Minds of Teenage Girls
by CullenGirl968
Summary: Oh, the mind of a teenage girl. Ever wonder why she did it, what she was thinking, or how she feels? Well boys, this is your answer, written by yours truly, a girl. Girls, this is you in all your glory and pain. An eye opener for girls and guys alike.
1. Love

_To all you guys out there who wish they could get into a girl's head, here is your solution. Most of this story is unedited thoughts and feelings that I have felt sometime in my life. I hope it helps._

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_-CullenGirl968_

_Example 1: Love_

He had me- from that first glance it was clear.

After my first disaster of a relationship, I, 8th grader Marisa Anders, had never thought I would love again. But as I looked into his big blue eyes, saw for the first time his straight, jet-black hair and perfect face, I was doing it again. I was falling in love. Stupid, stupid me. I knew how things like this ended. But for some reason, I couldn't stop staring.

My friend used to live in Washington DC before she moved to Connecticut. As our nation's capitol, I had always respected this city. But then I met her friends. They all lived way outside of the little bubble I had grown up with. They had no curfew, no bedtime, no parents. They lived in a world of nonstop parties and fun. Of course, it wasn't all fun. There was alcohol and fights at most of these parties.

Never would I have assumed that my quiet, stick-skinny friend had grown up like this. But, as I had come to realize in the last two months, you never knew everything about your friends. Even your closest ones could turn out to be the exact opposite of what you know.

Most of her DC friends were boys, pretty much all of whom she had dated. There was Ryland, Kevin, Darren, Alex, Claire… and then there was Cody. Those were the "good" side of the people she knew from her previous life.

Then there was the bad side (aka the people who had not taken Emily breaking up with them quite so well). This list changed a lot (people kept moving and dying and having changes of heart), but usually consisted of Jason, Logan, Max, and sometimes Kevin, but he was better after he had gone through anger management for the second time.

Until very recently, Emily had had a steady relationship going with Kevin. He always seemed to land himself in the hospital (idiot), and was there on average once or twice a month. He wasn't weak though. What is it with these beautiful boys in DC? They all had six/ten-packs, for god sakes! I remember one fight Kevin got in where he threw a couch at one guy. A whole couch! And they're all amazingly hot… but more of that later. Why else would they go out with Emily, the model?

After she left DC, Emily stayed in contact with most of her friends there via email. This is where I come in. About a month ago, Emily had been telling me about something sweet Kevin had done for her. Then, stupid me, I playfully complained about being single. Flawlessly being a good friend, she told me she would ask Cody if he liked blondes. He emailed me, and we started talking too.

Cody turned out to be the dream guy for me. He had lived in DC with Emily. He liked to snowboard and skateboard, had read Twilight (an unexpected mega-plus), and was really sweet and funny. I was amazed that he was my _boyfriend._ He was perfect. But then, a week later, he and Emily kissed. Emily told me sheepishly, unable to hide the truth from me. That night, Cody and I broke up over the internet (sad face). Try as I might, though, I couldn't stay away from him. Stupid, stupid me. We got back together, needless to say, after he was (once again) hospitalized. As it turns out, he couldn't forget me either. That was a few weeks ago.

Since then, I am proud to say that we have broken up. Sadly, he is now dating another one of my Connecticut friends, Natalie. Even more sadly is what is happening now.

Emily, Natalie, Katie and I (pretty much all of my friends who talk to the guys in DC) always meet in the bathroom during lunch to talk, away from the noisy and crowded lunchroom. Today, Emily was showing us pictures on her phone of everyone in DC who we had never seen before. Of course they're all amazingly hot, some less than others. They all basically looked the same, though; dark hair, with random facial flaws that looked good on them.

I skimmed through the pictures absentmindedly, laughing when they were doing something stupid, something that Ryland and Kevin _would_ do. Then, one picture caught my eye. I stared at him, wondering who he could be.

His hair was black like the others', swept to the side. He had strong arms and wore all black, a style that fitted him. The picture was perfectly clear, an abnormality among the crappy pictures Emily's phone usually takes. You could tell that he was outside, the sun shining on his beautiful face. Everything about the picture was perfect, really; the clarity, the person in it, the placing… it was all amazing.

"Em, who is this? He's really hot." I asked. Natalie, the peppy preppy one (as we called her) bounced over to my side to investigate, always eager to see another hot guy from DC.

"He is kinda hot." She said, "Is that Kevin?" Emily shook her head.

"That's Cody" she laughed. Nataly screamed, of course, realizing her boyfriend was so totally _hot._ I clamped my hand to her mouth to muffle her scream. When it turned into a steady hyperventilation, I took it off.

Oh my god. I used to be dating _him?_ That was Cody? He was by far the hottest guy in all of Emily's pictures. Why did I ever break up with him? It was like falling in love again. Stupid, stupid me. I tried to tell myself that he had cheated on me, twice, and was going out with one of my best friends. I shouldn't let this one picture change how I really felt inside. But I could feel it happening.

It was that feeling I had gotten whenever he had called me baby, or sent me an e-flower. Staring into those piercing blue eyes, I realized how I felt. I had never stopped loving him. Even if we had only gone out for a week, I felt more strongly about him than I had about anyone I had ever dated. Crap. Now my life was just that much more complicated.


	2. Temptation and Outlets

_Example 2: Temptation and "Outlets"_

_Three days later, homeroom_

"Oh my god Marisa, did you hear what Ryland did?" was Natalie's greeting to me as she walked into the room. I sighed, and explained for the thousandth time that week,

"No Natalie, I got my internet taken away. Remember?" It was true. I was grounded until further notice for chatting with my friends instead of doing homework. Somehow, though, Natalie kept forgetting that. For a brunette, she could be really blond sometimes.

"Oh," she said cheerfully, smiling. She loved to be the first one to tell me everything. "Well, you know how he's bi?" This was also true. Nataly didn't wait for a response. "Well, I was chatting with him, and guess what? He and Darren are going out!" she finished proudly.

"Great for them," I laughed. Natalie always got so excited. We chatted pointlessly for the rest of homeroom, ignoring the morning announcements entirely. Emily joined our conversation then.

"So did you ask her?" she asked Natalie, who shot her a look that said _obviously not._

"Ask me what?" I asked, curious.

"Well," Natalie said, stalling. "Okay, so." I recognized the beginning of one of her fast-talking, chattery speeches.

"You know how Cody was, like, cheating on you? Well, I was wondering if he would do the same thing to me too if he ever got the chance. So I've come up with a brilliant plan. If you ask him out and he says yes I can dump him and start dating Ryland or something! But if he says no, then I know he wouldn't cheat on me! Am I smart or what? At first I asked Emily to do it for me but she's already dating someone, but I don't know who because she kisses a new guy every other week and I cant keep track anymore."

I stared at her for a second, thinking over her words. A true teenage girl, she had recited that entire monologue on one breath in less than ten seconds. I had heard every word though. She wanted me to ask Cody out, was giving me permission to so that she could try her little experiment.

I was at war with myself. One part of me, the devil on my shoulder, wanted badly to do it. I mean, Natalie had _asked _me to. She wanted me to do it. It wasn't like I was betraying her or anything. And he was so caring and honest and sweet and_ pretty_. He cared about my safety, and he made me happy. I loved this kid, for god's sake! So why was the choice so hard?

Well, the angel on my shoulder was telling me what I knew was true. It was wrong to use Cody like this. I knew he would say yes (Natalie probably did too), and when he found out it had all been a test he would hate me. Natalie should trust him to be a good guy, anyways. She shouldn't have to run these stupid tests to tell if he really liked her.

"It's not fair." I said.

"I'm giving you permission to ask him out, Marisa." Natalie replied.

"No, not that," I said, "It's not fair to Cody. It would be using him. He doesn't deserve that." Emily sighed.

"Marisa, he _does_ deserve it. He's the one who cheated on you!" I knew that was true, but somehow I still didn't believe that she was totally right.

"I'll think about it," was all I could say.

-§-

A week later, I still hadn't done it. Every time I wrote out the perfectly worded email that would send Cody running to me, I just couldn't press send. I kept thinking about how I would feel, being used like that. And I didn't even know if I wanted to anymore. I mean, of course I _wanted _to, but over the past week some things had happened to make me think a little bit…

Katie's Story:

Katie had never had a boyfriend before. So of course she was ecstatic when she and Kevin started dating. Who wouldn't be? I mean, he's _Kevin._ And this is what I mean by that: He needed to get a job. And now I'm asking you, for a second, to imagine this 6ft 7 tall emo guy who's the leader of a gang at age 15 going for a job interview. If you didn't laugh, you should know that I did. Anyways, here's how it happened.

Kevin walks into Zumiez (where else?) and tells the manager, "I want a job." The guy looks at him, looks at the girls staring at him, and says, "You seem to attract a lot of female customers. You're hired." Just like that. Nothing more than Kevin's face got him a job.

Do you see what I mean? He's just _Kevin._ And, Katie being Katie, never looked back on her decision. That is, until Emily got involved. As I'm sure you remember, Emily has a certain history with Kevin. It basically goes without saying that her "histories" last a fair bit after they're over and done with. Everyone loves a model. Everyone loves Kevin. Katie was too blinded by the strange illusion some may call love to see that.

So what happened? Basically the same thing that happened with Cody and me, only not as complicated and much harsher. Emily and Kevin kissed. Katie heard, but her reaction was so much different than mine. She dumped Kevin. Actually, "dumped" is too nice a term for what she did. She sent him a brief e-mail saying that she was breaking up with him, told him to please not try to talk to her ever again, and shut the entire city of Washington DC out of her life. I mean it. She never talked to anyone from DC again. Not Kevin, not Ryland, not Cody, not anyone. She even stopped talking to Emily for a month or so. She just cut DC out of her life.

You see, that's the difference between Katie and me: she's smart. She's willing to do something I would never do, something that I don't think I ever will do. To me, DC is a part of me. It's my secret, wilder side. It's somewhere that I can do anything, be anything, without fear of being hurt. Miles make a difference when you need an outlet. I'm not saying that DC is my punching bag, I'm just saying that there are people I'd consider my friends over there that I can tell all my angry feelings to without being judged. They've been judged so much, it doesn't faze them when they hear a story like this. Everything is so much worse for them.

Katie, on the other hand, considers DC as a living soap opera. As soon as it turns against her, she can shut it off without regret. They're so far away, so different, that their problems don't affect her. When they started to, though, she could always turn around and go back. Anger and hate and fear don't mix with her personality. For her, DC isn't a way out; it's a way in.


	3. Infatuation and Love Two Very Diff

Example 3: Infatuation and Love; Two Very Different Things

The New Year has come, and with it the end of an old one. An old year filled with new things, new experiences. The year that changed my life, for better or for worse. I can only imagine what this next year will bring.

My family has a second house in Vermont. It's sort of like our getaway. Every winter weekend and holiday, we come up to our little cabin in the woods to ski and snowboard and what not. I'm up here now for winter vacation. As I lay in my bed, January 1st at 12:05, I have a lot of time to think (probably thanks to all those sodas we downed during the New Year's party). Of course, as I lay sleepless in bed with thoughts streamlining through my head, one of the first things I think of is Cody. Emotions as vivid and violent as hurricanes storm through my thoughts: sadness because he cheated, bitter jealousy and anger at Natalie, unsatisfied love, heartbreak, and many others on top of that. How I wish I was back in that week we were dating. How I wish I was anywhere but now. I wanted to be that happy, carefree person again.

I won't tell you that I realized then and there that moping was useless and moved on. To say so would be a lie. I wouldn't do that until much later; we girls are stubborn beings. I will tell you that that was when I started the long road to happiness. Realizing that I wanted to be happy was the first part to being happy for me. I suddenly sat up, grabbed my notebook, and flipped to the page labeled "New Year's Resolutions." Under the dying light of my reading lamp, I scribbled three words into the margin of the notebook:

Get Over Cody __

The space was for the check signifying that I had completed that resolution. How long, I wondered, until that space could be filled? My answer came via the holy invention of chat about ten days later.

-§-

Emily: o look, alex is on

Me: alex?

Emily: u remembr him rite? hes frm dc

Me: dont tell me ur dating him em

Emily: ummm… ya about tht…

Me: god

Emily: its not lik tht

Me: r u 2 bein safe? lol

Emily: bug off *(Clean Version)*

Me: lol jk

Emily: but rly riss, i'm not dating him anymore

Me: u brok up?

Emily: ya. il add him

Me: sure

-§-

I sat at my computer on a rainy Wednesday afternoon, chatting with Emily for lack of anything better to do. Don't get me wrong, Emily can be fun to talk to at times, but she's pretty predictable. Mostly she talks about boys, and herself. What else can you expect from a model? I know that that's kind of harsh, but she knows it and doesn't really care, as long as she can keep talking.

That day, when I got home from school, the first thing I did was sit down at my computer and open my e-mail/chat. That's an old habit I have, one that I don't think I'll ever break. I'm too obsessed with the lives on the other side of the computers to stop. Also on that day, something strange happened that I don't think I'll ever forget. I met Alex.

Emily added him, of course, and introduced us (you know, all that tedious "Marisa meet Alex, Alex meet Marisa, Hi Alex, Hi Marisa" sort of thing). We talked for a little while. Alex wanted to make sure Emily and him were on good terms after their breakup, which they were. Natalie came on after a while, and we talked to her too. She had met Alex the day before, so I was spared the uncomfortable first-meeting crap and we could continue our conversation as it was before we added Natalie. We talked pointlessly, just passing time like normal teenagers, until finally Emily had to leave ("Bye guys, bye bye, ttyl, adios mamasita" and all those other goodbyes).

That left me, Natalie, and Alex to talk. Somehow, Alex brought up the fact that he had blond hair (our convos are really random). I said, "me too no way!" So then, playfully, he said, "well I bet we don't have the same eye color. Mine are green, but people always think they're blue". The really weird thing is, my eyes are the same exact color. Intrigued by this, we kept talking about likes, dislikes, favorite books, everything. The results? Creepy.

We're almost exactly the same. He loves Panic! At the Disco, thinks that The Host is an amazing book, was totally confused by the Iliad, cried when he saw Romeo and Juliet (aww), is partial vegetarian but likes hamburgers and bacon, doesn't think bacon counts anyways, eats basically everything in sight yet somehow is still skinny, and a billion other things that are too long to fit in this chapter. We even weigh the same. In Natalie's way of putting it, we have the ultimate chemistry.

The next day, January 13th, we were in chat again. He greeted me, "hey twin!," and we started talking again. The one thought that kept running through my mind was Natalie's comment on our ultimate chemistry. I just had to ask him out. As soon as I pressed 'enter' and asked that million dollar question, though, my throat closed in panic. What if he said no? Maybe he considered me as no more than a friend. Maybe he thought I was kidding. We joked around so much that that wasn't actually too crazy to consider. What would I do if he said no? the little note at the bottom of the chat that so helpfully signified, "Alex is typing…" stood there for an excruciatingly long time, letting my fears sink in until I was absolutely certain that he would never in a million years say yes to someone like me. But then, the little note disappeared from the bottom of the screen and these five god-sent words popped up: "what if I said yes?"

Happiness surged through me. Alex said yes! Finally, I wasn't that abandoned boyfriend-less freak that I had been after Cody started dating Natalie. I would love to say that this was when I forgot Cody and was that carefree person again, but I'd still be lying. I was still broken inside. We girls don't forget pain. But Alex gave me something new, something different to think about. I had no pain associated with him yet.


End file.
